Joy beneath painted rainbows

Nina Amiliah.
Like any other women, I have my own idol, I want a happy life student under pressure. I want to explore Africa, marry a pilot, honeymoon in a hot air balloon and get solemnise on water! FT students are real hot. Brad Pitt and Barack Obama, they are my idol.

Monday, March 09, 2009

abang have surrender himself today. cause he awol. then he sms me last night and went like, 'bsk abg nk surrender, kat luar jaga diri baek baek. jage kan ibu dgn azree skali.30 hari je.'
so, managed to meet him on saturday at cousin's party.
sometimes i just hope that all these dont have to happen. if ayah were to be around, things would be different.
kakak wont be married to that guy. abg wont have tattoos all over his body and azree wont be skipping school like he does now.
and me? i wont be suffering with all these.

sometimes i just hope that one fortunate day, either ibu, kakak, abg, azree or families would call me home cause ayah's back.
thinking of that would make me smile. but its all impossible,right? how could a dead person come back? i miss ayah.
i miss him when he put me on his lap to nurse my wound. kiss me every night and say ' you're my best'

sometimes, i woke up, searching the whole house. looking for i dont know what.
then a voice will ask, 'kau cari ape tu?'
only then i'll wake up fully. scratching my head and smile. it was only a dream.
i always dream of ayah. talking to him. but there was no voice. but i know i was talking to him. it seem so real that i went searching for him in the house only to know it was a dream. i just want to sleep for as long as i could if my sleeping meant seeing him. how i wish i could laugh together with him. joke with him. kiss him and hug him tight when i got my PSLE result, my o level result.

i miss the times when he taught me how to cycle, to draw, to spell, to calculate.
and the times when we will sit together sharing a cup of ice cream after he fetched me from school.nursery.
sometimes i wish i could see him standing proud of me. of who i am today in the family.

Labels: i miss those times